14

A Poem by Jackson DD

I remember perfectly

The way my six-year-old feet,

Tired of touching the cold kitchen tiles,

Beat against the black street

Warm from it’s days in the sun

I was chasing after something

What it was, I do not remember

I do not even think it important

I was chasing after it

Desperately, and vainly, stretching out my arms

It’s funny

Nothing was ever in front of me

How could you catch something that’s not there?

Looking back on everything

I don’t think I ever caught what I was looking for

Consequently, more often than I would’ve preferred,

I fell

I fell hard each time

Those summers I had built an immunity to crying

At least when it came to getting skinned knees

Chasing things

It hurts sometimes

You fall, more often than you would’ve preferred

This all sounds like a metaphor

I kind of want it to be

But I never found what I was chasing

So what does that say?

I also remember the summer I was seven

Leaving school, I had cried

I didn’t want to leave my first grade teacher

Sometimes I still miss her

I stopped running so much that summer too

Swimming had become easier by then

It was quiet underwater

Something you don’t get in a family of six

At random moments, I found myself crying.

Not even from sadness

Just seven year old unknowing

I remember eight

Nine was excitement

Ten.

Ten.

At ten, my interest in school had decreased beyond repair

Eleven wanted more than I could give it

Twelve happened after ERs and therapy appointments

PHP programs and group

Thirteen happened as the world was seemingly ending

But by then, ERs seemed escapable

Fourteen.

Fourteen hasn’t happened yet

Fourteen will know what I was chasing

Fourteen will catch it